I lose nothing by letting you merge into my lane.

I lose nothing by withholding my anger at the person on the other side of the desk or phone who is equally powerless and did not cause the situation.

I lose nothing by holding the door, or saying thank you to the person who does.

I lose nothing by smiling at a stranger for no reason.

I lose nothing by being kind.

It does not make me weak or less than.

It does not offer me as your doormat.

It does not mean I am dumb or deluded or desperate.

I gain everything by seeing past your behavior to the sweet softness of your soul.

I gain everything by knowing the degree to which we are all damaged and doing the best we can.

I gain everything when I refuse to meet meanness with the same.

I gain everything when I realize the cruelty outside of me is only a reflection of the cruelty inside me.

I gain everything by uplifting another human being, and understanding that that act uplifts me as well.

I live in an area where courtesy and civility are not priorities. (An actual license plate I recently saw: IH8UALL). It’s more like eat or be eaten. Sometimes it physically hurts my body, not to mention my tender heart. I resist my own hardening, but it sometimes feels pointless. Most people who meet me cannot understand how I am surviving here, and I often question it as well. I frequently describe my time here as the sandpaper that polished me. All that abrasiveness has catalyzed greater growth than at any other time of my life. It was so often so hard, but I could not trade any of it in for an easier time. Most of me wants to go far, far away, back to ease and grace, but the universe keeps me here. Only when it gets really bad do I resort to asking why. I know it’s not a fruitful question.

I would like to live in a house, a neighborhood, a community, a world where kindness is the rule of law. Where disagreements never descend to the cowardice of violence. Where we could be individual and unique, and hold differing opinions, while still being courteous. Where we gave people the benefit of the doubt. Where the armor of aggression and defensiveness was no longer necessary. Where the one with the most good deeds, not the most stuff, wins. Where no one has to feel like they have to defend or protect themselves. Where we understand that to have the grace of being alive is enough to justify respect.

I would like you to join me there.