A woman, part of an extremely wealthy couple who were in their thirties with a young child, came to me fearing that her marriage was over. She wanted my help in creating a livelihood for herself to protect her in case she had to leave her husband.

Years earlier, she has been one of my yoga students, so I had already seen how, in the early part of her marriage, she had suffered, nearly continuously, from stress-related ailments. Since then, their child had experienced multiple health problems and her husband had become a workaholic with constant money anxiety.

All loving communication between them had broken down; they spoke to each other as pure enemies and were both miserable. They could not believe how far they had moved away from their idyllic beginnings. I have rarely seen such resentment and hostility.

First, I allowed them each to vent (verbally and in writing) about the other person, then, we set up some rules about how they could speak to each other. We also created a set of love-habit rituals and gratitude practices. They were offered perspective into the hurt within themselves that was causing the defensiveness and desire to hurt the other. This was huge! We eventually set up intimacy dates and I had them collaborate on a house project together.

The husband was finally able to see that his obsessiveness about money was a projection of his perceived lack of control in his personal life. The wife was finally able to see that her catastrophizing and criticism was her way to get the attention from him that she thought she was losing.

The turnaround was dramatic.

They successfully traveled on a business trip together, after not having been able to do that for years. They now have sex regularly and have weekly ‘open’ nights where there is permission (and immunity) to share whatever is troubling them. They feel a renewed commitment to each other and their child. They told me they never believed that it would ever be better. It truly was a miracle.