Perspective is life changing. It’s in my core beliefs here, and I write about it here and here. That lesson is perhaps one of the most consistent aspects of my life.

It reappeared just recently as I sat on a cross country flight in front of a little boy who was having a hard time. Especially during the landing, his discomfort got the best of him.

He was crying and screaming about the pain in his ears, something I am quite familiar with both personally and as a mother. His own mother stayed calm and loving, giving him suggestions to ease the pressure and pain.  As I felt my own sadness around his suffering, especially my inability to ease it in any way, I began to see the situation as much more than just this boy and his pain. Here’s the scenario that played in my head as I imagined the inner experience of both of the participants:

Child: Oh my God!!! What’s happening here? This airplane is trying to kill me! Why won’t anybody make it stop! This is the worst thing that has ever happened. I’m going to die!

Mom: My child is suffering but I know it is temporary. I wish he could see that. As soon as we are back on the ground, he will be fine. This situation, painful as it is, will not harm him. It’s just a normal part of flying for many people. I offer him some ways to feel better, but he cannot hear me. He is in such distress that he won’t do the things I know can help him.

When I heard the situation around me in this extracted form, it’s as if all the lights of Times Square lit up at once. That is the process of suffering isn’t it?

Substitute YOU for the child, and God/Allah/Shiva/The Universe/Mother Earth for the mother. The true source of our distress comes not from the pain we experience, but of the thoughts we have behind the pain, and the counterproductive reactions that prevent the healing that would come naturally, to come at all.

The child represents our developmental state when we cannot see clearly. When our perspective is limited and we give weight to some things and not others. This is not a judgment or indictment. It is an expected step in the process of spiritual and psychological maturation.

The mother represents the inherent knowing and wisdom that fills the space around us, and that (in time) also lives within us.   Can you see an instance (or two) in your life where you where the child? Or even where you were the mother? The truth is that we are both. Perhaps there are times where you are grounded and clear and can provide support to someone in distress, or even hold a non-judgmental space for their experience.

Almost certainly, there are times when we are like the panicked swimmer, whose flailing prevents the lifeguard from rescuing him, or the child in severe discomfort who cannot understand why it is happening, or when it will end. I know I have personally held both roles, and spent more time in the latter than the former.

The lives we think we are living are actually the stringing together of the thoughts and stories we create, not necessarily the events that took place.  Perspective is the ability to discern between the two. To believe, ‘This might be painful, but it is temporary’ or ‘Within this difficulty also lies the wisdom to transcend it’ can make the difference between sitting in the seat of child or the seat of the mother.

In the words of a yoga teacher from my youth (and any Buddhist): Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

To which I would add: Everything in life can be changed by perspective.

How can you apply that to your life today?

Interested in feeling more content and connected? Learn how to master The Inner Game of Success with my FREE 3-part course right here.