About last night…

Provocative, right?

That was the subject line of a recent email I sent… to a client… the morning after a session.

No sex organs were involved in our work, which centered around love, spirituality AND sexuality.

In my decades working in the corporate world, and even in my 5 years as a yoga business owner, it was very clear that sexuality was to be left at the door. (Those of you who have been in my classes, or in my offices, know that I liked to break that rule, constantly. But I digress…)

We have so suppressed the fact that we are sexual beings that the environments in which we spend the most time become polarized in the extreme – sterile public interactions and private groping under desks and in closets.

I understand why bringing sexual relationships into the open can disrupt an organization or community. But denying that we are sexual beings (and that’s how we all got here, frankly) does no better.

When we do not acknowledge that a stranger, (especially one we cannot have!) turns us on, that energy reroutes itself into behaviors that can be quite damaging. Maybe we think our denials will erase the desire, but energy just doesn’t work that way. Such are the roots of abuse, misogyny and misconduct. (A politician’s sexting scandal comes to mind.)

I consider my interactions with the sexual energy that surrounds all of us like window shopping. I can acknowledge and appreciate a beautiful dress, painting or diamond without needing to own it. I can admire a beautiful male form (or female, for that matter) without needing to sleep with him (or her). To deny that I feel something when a particularly masculine man enters a room, or walks by me, is to deny the life force that created me.

As children, this degree of impulse control is very difficult – if you see it and like it, you MUST have it! Creating space between the sensation of desire, and the action of acquisition, is one of the most important marks of maturity.

Yet so many of us stay stuck in the want it/must have it reactionary phase, which leads to over-consumption in nearly any area of life, and ethical transgressions as well.

Back to my client. He found the subject of my email ‘flirty’ and we got to have a discussion about the differences between male and female communication, the clues being offered when someone flirts with you, and how to redirect energy when what you are receiving is unwanted. We were able to acknowledge the sexual energy between us (between all humans) without any need to form a sexual relationship. In fact, it would be one of our most powerful therapeutic tools.

Which brings me to my point. Sexual energy, when allowed to flow naturally, can be an immense source of healing, for an individual, a couple and a community.

How have you been suppressing or diminishing that aspect of yourself because of guilt, lack of understanding, or fear?