There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. – William Shakespeare in Hamlet

My teacher used to tell a story about living in a yurt with an outhouse. Each time he would go to the bathroom, upon opening the door, he would destroy the intricate spider web built by the other inhabitant(s) of the outhouse. It was not his intention to destroy that spider’s home and livelihood, but it happened nonetheless.

The spider, were it to acquire the spectrum of human emotions, would surely think he was a cruel monster, and begin plotting revenge on that human who kept destroying its home and work. Every day, without concern, this cruel person would come barging in and all the day’s work would be lost!

Whenever it rains significantly in New Jersey, my phone makes this horrific buzzing sound, alerting me to flood warnings. (Those of a certain age will remember that sound from falling asleep with the TV on and waking to colorful stripes and repeated loud buzzing – ‘This is a test of the emergency broadcast system’.) It is obnoxious and intrusive, especially since I don’t live in a flood-prone area.

I could get angry at whoever creates these alerts, or my cellular provider for broadcasting these signals. They disturb me during meetings, sleep and other busy-ness. When I screw my head back on, I have to see that this act, like so many others in my life, is not malicious. Misdirected, perhaps. Annoying, certainly, but actually quite benign.

I think about all the people on the roads, so free with their middle finger at any inconvenience on the highways. I think about the people in front of me on line, taking an extra 7 seconds to engage the cashier in conversation, while I’m in a rush. Why do we take it all so personally (unlike the spider, I want to believe)?

It stems from the amnesia about who we are, believing that our motives are always justified and pure, while all others are ignorant, foolish, even evil. It is a symptom of the confusion that we are separate from the grand web of life.

I want my actions to create benevolence and beauty in the world. But sometimes they don’t, even without my knowing or intention. I want to remove myself from the center of the universe (everything always happens to me!!), and place myself along one of the delicate threads. I want to understand that I am the player, the participant and the producer, all at the same time.

It is raining very hard outside, and I was awoken by the flood warning alarm this morning. Instead of ‘Grrrr!!” I want to feel deep thanks for everything that made that sound possible – my phone, my hearing, the rain that nourishes the earth, and the fact that I woke up this morning.

Peace lies in a simple shift of perspective for me. To have compassion for those I harm, and to understand that my reactions to perceived harm are my own choice. I am causing my own disturbance by choosing the thoughts I associate with any particular event in the grand scheme of the universe.

How do your choices create the disturbance you feel? How can you shift the responsibility from the world to yourself, without incorporating blame or guilt? How can we go on with the stuff of our lives, while understanding the delicate threads that connect us all?