Are you humming? I’ve never been the biggest Beatles fan (blasphemy, I know) but their tunes sure are catchy.

Back to the topic at hand.

How good are you at asking for help? How often do you default to the toddler’s battle cry: “I can do it BY MYSELF!”

Hmmm… I thought so.

We are the self-reliant generation. We know all about bootstrapping, getting it done, and being mavericks. We’ve sharpened and refined our ‘making it happen’ muscle while the support flesh has gotten flabby.

I’m a big fan of independence and autonomy. Probably too much. (It was the ultimate virtue in my family.) The realization of the gifts of receiving came much later, and in softer voices.

There was a cost to clutching tightly to my independent abilities, and being paralyzed by my fear of looking incapable.

• There were many (many) events in my life that could have been negotiated more skillfully, gracefully and successfully if I would have sought help.
• I would not have had to push myself to the breaking point over and over (and over) again.
• I just couldn’t do everything I wanted to do

Here’s the one that I did not realize until much later:

• I (selfishly) deprived the people around me of a great gift.

It’s not only about the opportunity to utilize and share their skills and talents; there’s also a biochemical component.

You know that feeling you get when you do something nice for someone (especially if it’s unsolicited)? Well, the people who help you get it too. And robbing them of that juicy hormonal rush (oxytocin, to be specific) is not nice. (Kind of like not sharing your good news or your fresh batch of almond cookies.)

There’s more… Being vulnerable enough to ask for help reveals the neediness of our human state. While this may be repulsive at first (as it was to me) it is the key to our connection and truth.

What exactly do we need? Here’s a short list:

• We need the trees that give us air to breathe
• We need the earth that grows our food
• We need the other sentient beings who bring us connection and love
• We need the challenges that grow our bodies and souls toward greater evolution

Acknowledging that we are not autonomous creatures is a big fat relief. It lifts the burden of believing we have to do everything for ourselves and by ourselves. It dispels the myth that keeps us feeling inadequate and incapable.

Asking for help can seem impossibly difficult, especially if you’ve bought into the party line that revealing neediness is a sign of weakness. But the courage required to stand in your vulnerability, and the ultimate frailty of being human, far outweighs that of keeping your needs to yourself.

Help is part of the continuum of giving and receiving, much like breathing. We take in and we give out. Participating in the nourishing cycle of helping and being helped increases global happiness.

Let’s ask for help, shall we? And receive it with gratitude, grace and generosity.

Hoping to match my life-saver to my nail polish ;).

BONUS:

Getting help, for the reluctant, resistant and pathologically independent:

• Start small. Ask a friend to help you pick an outfit for a special event
• Value your time. Trying to do everything is like saying your talents and desires don’t matter. Get help with the stuff that does not enhance your skills, your relationships or your soul.
• Reframe your request as a gift to another. (Remember that joyful shot of oxytocin which feels amaaaazing!)

LET ME HELP

There’s still time to make 2014 a smashing success. To go into 2015 feeling calmer, clearer and more at peace.

Click this link to let me know how I can help. The Lovemaking and Moneymaking private coaching special is still on. Get FIVE quick-start sessions for nearly half my current rate.