I had a really bad experience recently. During a series of money hiccups, I called my bank’s customer service several times over the course of a week to straighten things out. An agent said to me, “Since Pascale is obviously a man’s name, I know you are committing fraud.” They put my accounts on a security hold.

I’m not making this up.

I’ve been banking there FOR THIRTY YEARS.

I flew into a rage I had not experienced for decades. I was like an atomic bomb, creating physical damage, and then destructive radiation for a wide perimeter around me. For days.

Every time I thought of the situation, the rage returned.

I dreamt of driving to the bank’s customer service center, locating this person, and giving her a talking to that would ensure she NEVER spoke to another customer that way again.

And worse.

I was also more aggressive on the road, short-tempered with my loved ones and strangers, and altogether unpleasant. I wore my upset like a full-body jumpsuit.

We often think of emotions as uni-directional – pointed only toward the person directly involved. Occasionally, emotions will be pointed at ourselves.

Here’s the truth:

Most (all) significant emotional states are disbursed non-specifically. Which means when you’re angry, everyone around you can feel your anger. Intense emotional states are projected out like a grenade, not a laser.

This was not good news to me the first time I realized it. If I’m mad at a highly rude and incompetent customer service agent, I don’t need my loved ones to receive any part of it. But they likely do.

This is the strongest argument I can think of for gaining a modicum of emotional control. (Which is NOT the same as emotional suppression.) And to become aware of the other people sharing your time and space.

We must recognize that WHO we are, and HOW we are, extends well past arm’s length.

The good news is that this principle also applies to our positive emotions. Our happiness can shine like a sunburst far into our extended communities.

Do you remember being freshly in love, when everything and everyone sparkled? I bet you were nicer to the cashier, colleagues and children who crossed your path.

Sharing love with another human being opens the door to sharing love with everyone. And that’s infinitely more pleasurable than shards of anger.

What’s to be done, you might ask?

• Be mindful of the extent to which you affect and create what’s around you.
• Choose your actions and reactions with the knowledge of the distance they radiate.
• Fully and freely express the parts of you that add to the love, compassion and kindness in the world.

The point is to mind what you are transmitting out into the world – sunbeams or shrapnel.

Looking for some guidance in managing both your inner and outer experiences? I can help. Check out how to work with me here.