I was about to quit.

Perhaps you know, earlier this year I fell into a period of darkness. It was a crisis of faith that pushed me to question not only my chosen calling, but also the entire set of beliefs around which I formed the life I currently live.

The rushing stream of hatred being expressed around me brought me to my knees. I began to believe that my miniscule contribution was negligible in the face of this much suffering, so why bother? And all this work to live in integrity, with honesty and respect for other human beings seemed to be for naught. I started thinking about making other plans for my life.

Then, my worst nightmare came true.

Instead of feeling the sensation of a crumbling building falling on me – as I had been feeling only weeks before – this felt like a fire underneath my feet. I felt inspired – inflamed, really – to be of service. To reach out to the people suffering, grieving and in shock. To become the activist that I had always deeply resisted. To offer what I have in service to healing the deep rifts that had eluded my awareness.

There is a time for allowing the emotions to pass through, without trying to manage or direct them. And then there’s a time to reconnect with our inherent balance. To find sama sthiti – equal standing pose.

One question arose at that point, helping me navigate the chaos and harness the intensity:

If these are the materials I have to work with, what can I create?

It’s like making art from garbage, or music from random household objects. It’s like singing between sobs, or dancing with pain. It is the ultimate expression of what makes us human.

We each have a perspective on the recent events in the US. There is anger, blame, and resentment from people on all sides.

It’s not my job to change anyone’s mind. It IS my job to help people discover their true motivations. And to help them rise up again after catastrophe. It’s something I’m (for better or worse) very familiar with.

Are you reeling? Searching for ground? Are you afraid? Are you thrilled?

I want you to know that, even if our only contact is through these words, I am fighting for you. I support that every human find the best within themselves, regardless if your idea of best and my idea of best do not align.

I am not quitting. I am only beginning.